If you’re a male reader aged somewhere around 22 and have taken a guess at what the title could possibly be about, you’ve probably guessed correctly.

In an online world with conflicting advice from groups such as self-help gurus and pick-up artists, it is a question that lacks a definitive answer:

To chase or to not chase women as a man before 25?

Here’s the dilemma:

1. For some of us, the answer is clear: You’re a man in his early 20s. You’re fuelled with testosterone and it’s the prime time to explore the world of romantic (or just sexual) relationships. Live while you’re young! After all, we must participate in the chase to stand a chance of knowing exactly what we want come late 20s.

2. For others, the answer is even clearer: You’re a man in his early 20s. Prime time to spend all your efforts levelling up in your learning, career and even a side hustle or business venture. After all, society values a man that has his life well put together.

3. And then for the rest of us, the answer is completely blurred. You’re a man in his early 20s, you’re fuelled with testosterone and want to explore relationships while putting everything into levelling up your money earning potential and personal life. You understand that your value can be perceived in various ways by society, everything from how you dress, conduct yourself, how much money you earn, emotional intelligence, etc.

I’m someone that spent their time as a ‘hustler’, but I’ve come to realise that I’m in the third boat. The seas are the roughest here and the waves show no signs of wavering. I’m fighting two battles, having been caught between the conflicting ideologies of Western and South Asian dating cultures:

• In the former, you explore multiple relationships. You gain relationship experience, have fun and find out your likes and dislikes in a future partner along the way. You hopefully settle down with someone that has more of the ‘what you like’ than ‘don’t like’ (as long as they aren’t dealbreakers).

• In the latter, there was no question in the first place. You grind out your early and mid-20s to marry someone in your late 20s. The concept of ‘exploring’ relationships is foreign. It is strictly limited to ‘the One’. So if you’re lucky enough to find her early in life, you stick it out together, through thick or thin.

It’s especially tough for guys like me to find an answer to the question for themselves. It’s common knowledge that most early (late teens-early 20s) relationships don’t end up making it to marriage, yet as a man living in Western society, you’re expected to have sexual experience or be prepared to get your masculinity challenged by your peers or even partner(s) otherwise.

I believe that the right answer can only be attained by planning out your future.

Ask yourself, Where do I want to be in 5-10 years? Establish your key goals and then plot the ‘reverse flowchart’. Work backwards from your main goal to break down the steps needed to get there.

Does it involve having fun and exploring the world while you’re young?

Or does it mean spending 80 hours a week juggling a full-time job while running a business/side hustle in the hopes of building a bright future?

It all depends on where you want to be in 5-10 years time.

If your plans prioritise getting ahead financially, then you might find that it is best to avoid dating altogether and put 100% into the business or career that you’re looking to establish. The best part is, is that you’ll find you’ll most likely end up reaching your goals a lot sooner than expected – after all, we tend to overestimate what can be done in a day and underestimate what can be done in a year.

I have personally benefitted from the above strategy myself by building substantial savings/investments (you’d be surprised by the amount money you can save by doing ‘single guy’ stuff like sharing a slightly older house, skimping on luxuries, going on cheap holidays, working overtime, etc.), giving me the freedom to bootstrap a future business idea or only work part-time while I make it happen.

For those of you who know me well, you already know that my ambitions go far beyond anything I have achieved to date, so you might be wondering why I fall into the third dating category at this point in my life?

The answer lies in two decades of observation.

Without getting into an entire biography, I’ll summarise my observations in one sentence: My father would not be standing tall today without my mother by his side.

I am fortunate enough to have witnessed how much happier and successful a man can be when they choose their life partner carefully. In a society that champions hook-up culture and with online dating being the most common form of matchmaking in 2025, it is increasingly difficult to find a person that aligns with you and your goals.

I haven’t quite got all the answers yet, but I do believe that if you’re an ambitious person looking to settle down with a life partner at some point before 30:

• It is best to start looking earlier than you normally would as it can take some time to find the right person for your future plans. Just put yourself out there, you don’t need to spend too much effort on finding someone (I’ll be writing about this later at some point).

• Contrary to the advice that is commonly put out there; I would not engage in short-term flings in the meantime.
  • The conventional argument against this is that ‘you need sexual experience to find the right partner‘. This is has been proven to be factually incorrect. Having a large number of lifetime sexual partners increases the likelihood of an unhappy marriage. Not to mention that short-term flings draw too much attention and resources away from your goals for something that is meaningless in the long term.

The answer for me is obvious – chase a fulfilling, long-term relationship with someone that aligns with you and your long term life goals.

What’s yours?